Do you have what it takes to be a guitarist? Take my 5 minute test and find out!
Q1. You have a few hours spare one afternoon, how do you spend it?
A: Go to the garden centre and possibly do a little weeding in the garden, if time permits, when you get back.
B: Revise the conjugated verbs so common in the Klingon language.
C: Practice the Phrygian Dominant scale. It was fun in the morning so might as well carry on.
Q2. You have a party to go to, which answer most closely describes your mode of dress and behavior on arrival? (Ladies should go and do something far more interesting at this point.)
A: Smart slacks, shiny shoes and a firm handshake, making plenty of eye contact (but not too much so as to make them think you’re some sort of waxy faced member of an unblinking automaton army hell bent on the enslavement of mankind).
B: Lab coat and try not to make eye contact with any girls.
C: Leather jacket and skulking in the corner with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a flick knife.
Q3. Which answer most closely describes your ideal companion for dinner and some charming conversation?
A: Joyce Grenfell
B: Mother.
C: The Olsen twins.
Q4. You have only £99 left and it’s still 3 weeks until payday, what do you spend it on?
A: A well balanced combination of the 5 main food groups from a nearby competitively priced supermarket making sure you have a little bit left over for a treat on Sundays!
B: A ridged Klingon prosthetic forehead from eBay available on ‘Buy it now’.
C: The deposit on a Marshall 4×12 blackface deluxe, twin channel amplifier with foot switch and flight case, available on interest free credit. (The kids eat free at school after all…)
Q5: Who is Eric Clapton?
A: Who?
B: A rogue elf from World Of Warcraft with level 7 spell casting powers. (Or something like that, I’m a guitar teacher, I really haven’t got a clue about this kind of cr*p.)
C: One of the 20th century’s finest guitarists whose body of work from the latter part of his career never really lived up to the intial promise hinted at when he intially burst onto Britain’s embryonic blues scene in the 1960s, although this ‘failure to bloom’ could obviously be attributed to the two personal tradgedies he experienced, firstly his unfortunate drug addiction and secondly the terrible death of his son, Conor, in New York. In all fairness, is it possible to really recover from such events?
I’ve lost the will to carry on so just choose all the ‘C’ answers and I’ll sort the rest out when you come round.
‘Tally ho, yippity dip and a zing zang spillip!’
– General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett VC DSO KCB.
